In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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