We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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