it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
