Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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