I accidentally burped into my bong.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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