I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
