You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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