you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
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nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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