I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
