Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
