So drunk its hurt
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
