No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
