I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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