Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
