I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize