Only a mothe r could love this liver
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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