Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
