Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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