So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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