my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
