It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
