Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
