also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
