Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
