some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
