lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
