Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Found the puke drawer
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
