upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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