dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just found puke in my bra..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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