did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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