just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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