ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
