Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The best revenge is premature balding
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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