and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
