im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
