I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
