I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
