Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
