I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
