Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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