So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
