Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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