i wish peter jackson would direct porn
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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