dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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