Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
