Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
