Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize