Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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