is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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