i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
