if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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