I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
