Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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