If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
