im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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