a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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