it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
