I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
