Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
