Texts From Last Night

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.

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  (901): I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game. http://tfl.nu/7tak
  Replies (15) Good night (691) Bad night (2442)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.

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  (303): Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina. http://tfl.nu/raau
  Replies (31) Good night (3991) Bad night (969)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.

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  (570): we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up. http://tfl.nu/su5y
  Replies (20) Good night (3919) Bad night (584)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  I've never been more proud of you

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  (260): 3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella (1-260): I've never been more proud of you http://tfl.nu/g2u4
  Replies (20) Good night (5737) Bad night (695)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?

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  (563): I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful? http://tfl.nu/ij5q
  Replies (24) Good night (3509) Bad night (3690)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

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  (250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5
  Replies (30) Good night (7635) Bad night (1372)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.

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  (484): we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song. http://tfl.nu/huqy
  Replies (10) Good night (4787) Bad night (924)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  we're about an hour out, how's the weather?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.

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  (303): we're about an hour out, how's the weather? (720): cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home. http://tfl.nu/na0o
  Replies (14) Good night (6198) Bad night (1217)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate

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  (206): This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate http://tfl.nu/vfhs
  Replies (6) Good night (2478) Bad night (1695)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery

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  (360): Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery http://tfl.nu/djsi
  Replies (5) Good night (1821) Bad night (718)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.

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  (606): I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well. http://tfl.nu/cs63
  Replies (5) Good night (968) Bad night (1598)
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  (631): View more from New York

  We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?

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  (631): We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge? http://tfl.nu/xnes
  Replies (10) Good night (2301) Bad night (575)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.

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  (918): Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize. http://tfl.nu/3mfn
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (350)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.

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  (201): But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling. http://tfl.nu/g0mj
  Replies (1) Good night (578) Bad night (399)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"

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  (402): Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!" http://tfl.nu/nmzl
  Replies (1) Good night (390) Bad night (170)

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