smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..