So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
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Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.