He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.