when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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