I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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