We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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