escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
