the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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