new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
