Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
