im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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